This past week I was joking around on Facebook about how those unsightly extra pounds have developed a loving and committed relationship with my waistline. I further remarked that who was I to break them apart. After all, at my age, commitment is important. My rationalization, as Lila Bruce joked, “to eat my weight in girl scout cookies” emerged as a brand new battle cry. Of course, it didn’t help my Girl Scout cookie addiction when right about the same time, I received a scathing review on Goodreads. I suppose it was inevitable that my favorite child, Unconventional Lovers, would get knocked down a peg. The review cut to the bone, even though there were things to learn from it. With the help of my FB friends I quickly got over it!
Soon, I came up with a plan to meter out the cookies in reasonable quantities. Two cookies a day. I called that plan A. I promptly violated Plan A the very first day. The tempting treats are like Lays Potato Chips. You can’t eat one or two or 10. I kept nibbling them until the entire box was gone (almost without conscious thought). So…I came up with Plan B…gobble up all four boxes and then go back to my diet after no more cookies survived my locust-like behavior. They taunted me in my cabinets and freezer. See, I knew they were there and I swear I heard the sirens whispering in my ear.
Somehow, these discussions evolved into a connection between girl scouts and lesbians. I know a boatload of lesbians who were girl scouts, so I sort of figured it was a thing. I decided to do some research and find out exactly when did the Girl Scouts of America make a formal statement to include lesbians, transgender, bi-sexual, and gender fluid girls. Unlike the stuffy old boy scouts, I presumed it was fairly early on. In case you are wondering, it was 1991.
Well…surprise, surprise. Guess what? There a shit-ton of conspiracy theories out there about how the Girl Scouts are promoting lesbianism and the radical feminist agenda…you know corrupting all those sweet young girls. Didn’t you know the Girl Scouts are the perfect hunting ground for new lesbians? Shoot, joining the Girl Scouts might be the next best thing to going to the local lesbian bar (according to these right-wing fanatical groups). I couldn’t believe what they were saying. One claimed that aTagalong cookie box promoted lesbianism and homoerotica. I swear this nutjob had this to say about the box:“Go for it!” “Water sports.” “Pros.” “Strokes.” “On our backs.” Someone, some deep-cover operative of the International Homosexual Conspiracy (IHC), has clearly infiltrated whatever agency designs Girl Scout cookie boxes. Oh for shit’s sake, are you friggin kidding me? Here’s the box in question.
Another idiot launched a boycott of the tasty treats back in 2014 called CookieCott2014. I doubt they were all that successful…I mean, it’s Girl Scout Cookies…who can resist! The Catholic Church repeatedly cut ties or banished the Girl Scouts.
A couple of years ago, I might have laughed all of this off, but more and more these lunatics are having their say and gaining traction. They have the ultimate role model to make it all perfectly acceptable.
Shaking my head in disgust as I go searching for a few more boxes of cookies to purchase because I clearly did not order nearly enough. At the same time, I’ll grab a new lesbian romance and read all that erotica because the Girls Scouts already recruited me long ago. I’m sure I took one look at the Tagalong box and said, “Yes I want to be a lesbian cause it looks like so much fun.” Okay, it actually is! Feel free to pick up one of my books and begin munching on your own box of cookies.
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