The disturbing truth is that as we age, it becomes more difficult for women to achieve orgasm. This is probably true for men as well, but frankly, I don’t really care much about that. Besides, they have Viagra…and women only have hormone therapy after menopause to combat this and all the other crappy symptoms that go along with the drop in those important hormones. So what’s happening to our bodies after menopause that contributes to difficulty in orgasming as we age? Many of us are likely aware of several physical changes that occur after menopause. The reduction of estrogen levels affects our libido, but also results in several physical changes to our genitals such as: 1) Vaginal dryness because estrogen binds to receptors in the vaginal and vulval tissues, helping to maintain moisture and thickness; 2) Narrowing of the vaginal opening (may need to toss out those larger dildos); 3) Clitoral atrophy due to a loss of blood flow to the clitoris which causes less sensitivity as those bundle of nerves become much less sensitive to the touch. In extreme cases, this results in the inability to have an orgasm, or it takes a lot longer. Sometimes menopause can also cause the clitoris to shrink or retract behind the clitoral hood; 4) Loss of blood flow. In addition to the blood flow affecting those clitoral nerves, it also affects the muscles that control orgasms. With less blood flow, those muscles don’t work as they’re supposed to. Finally, psychological factors can also impact a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm after menopause, including mood disorders, depression, anxiety, or worrying about performance in bed. On a positive note…according to a study from the Kinsey Institute in partnership with Cosmopolitan, for women over 60, 20% of participants said their orgasms are more satisfying than ever before, and 57% said they reach climax with their partners always or almost always. So, I guess it’s quality over quantity!

But for those who don’t want to give up on quantity, what can we do to combat this? Understanding that this happens to all of us is a first step…we can’t stop the ageing process, but lifestyle factors can affect sexual desire. Lack of sleep or excess alcohol and drug use certainly impacts hormone levels. While small amounts of alcohol can make blood vessels expand and improve circulation, chronic use damages organs, including the nervous system. Alcohol can also worsen menopausal symptoms. Of course, one of the first things suggested is hormone replacement therapy, but for those who wish to avoid this, other things can help. Obviously, the use of lubrication is an easy answer to vaginal dryness. Regular sexual stimulation, whether it’s done solo or with a partner, can help improve blood flow to the clitoral area. Pelvic floor exercises, such as Kegels, can also improve blood flow and enhance clitoral sensitivity. If your clitoris is less sensitive and it takes longer, there is nothing wrong with adding a vibrator to help. As I noted in a previous blog, it is a myth that using a vibrator lessens sensitivity over time. It’s ageing that’s the culprit!

The one book that I had the perfect opportunity to weave in some of the above nuggets was Georgetown Glen: Queermunity Living at its Finest. Unfortunately, at the time of writing this book, I hadn’t realized how much a body can change with regard to sexual response. I believe that for those of us who write books with mature women characters, perhaps a realistic portrayal of intimacy would be important to address. Although I’m not typically known for writing books with mature women as the main characters, I have written several with women in their 40s+. Feel free to check them out by clicking the links below.