Death By Vacuum

imageLook at him. He doesn’t look like much does he?  I never thought he would be fast enough to catch a mouse or vole or whatever it was. I mean he’s kind of big, not fat. We don’t say fat in our household. We say he is of generous proportions.

Anyway, I come home and my wife proceeds to tell me all about how our sweet Fawn caught a mouse and brought the poor thing into the house. I stop dead in my tracks and the conversation goes something like this.

Me: It’s not still in the house is it?

Wife: No I took care of it.

Me: What do you mean you took care of it?

Wife: It’s dead.

Me: Fawn killed a mouse.

Wife: No I did.

Me: You killed a mouse. How?

At this point I am imaging all kinds of gruesome ways to die and there is no way I guess the real cause of death.

Wife: The vacuum cleaner.

Me: You killed a mouse with our vacuum cleaner? How do you know he’s dead? He could be crawling around in the bag.

Wife: No he got caught in the spinning brush and I flushed him down the toilet.

Me: Why didn’t you just catch him and let him go in the field.

Wife: He was really fast, I couldn’t think of anything else.

Me: That’s really sad. I think we should get one of those humane traps.

The next day I’m outside and the patio door is open. I see a steak of gray run into the house and I think maybe it’s our resident squirrel. Nope it’s not. I hear the squeaking of a little gray mouse and Fawn jumps on it and grabs it in his mouth. I try to chase after them and decide no way am I going to try to catch the thing.

I call for my wife even though I don’t want a repeat of yesterday.  She’s out in the back of our property and doesn’t hear me. I’m not going after the mouse so I shrug, close the door, and resume my reading.

About a half an hour later my wife comes up on the patio. I tell her Fawn caught another mouse and it’s in the house. Of course I expect her to take care of it. She goes into the house. My protector.

Wife: It’s dead.

Me:  Fawn actually killed it?

Wife: No actually Onyx is guarding it.

So there you have it our cats are conniving serial killers. One catches them, the other kills them. At least they don’t use a vacuum cleaner.

We’re closing the patio door from now on.

4 thoughts on “Death By Vacuum

  1. I enjoy your blog. I am starting from the first one, and hope to read all.

    Anyway, our cats (now just one cat, poor thing) catch mice and my wife tries to get the mouse from them. If she succeeds, she takes them from them, drives them to the park and let’s them go. Now, they’re likely going to die, given they’re so far from home, but Catherine feels better. And it isn’t dead in our house.


    1. I definitely would have preferred a more humane approach, but then again, I think the poor thing was mangled by the time my wife sucked the little creature up. I used to use humane traps and release them…anyway hope you enjoy the rest of my blogs!


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