I came across this article some time ago and kept it in my files in case I ever wanted to blog about it. It may not seem like an exciting or interesting topic, but it actually was very interesting. The article was about what happens to a person’s body when you don’t have sex in a while, and surprisingly it isn’t all bad. Celibacy can be a legitimate choice in both the short term and the long term. And let’s be clear, in most circumstances, it is a choice. Because for those without partners, there are still options, namely masturbation or, for the more adventurous, the use of pleasure workers. So…let’s dig into what happens to your body when you decide not to have sex.

No surprise here, but like with those going through menopause or older women, vaginal dryness is a real side effect of not having sex. For women, one of the major pieces of advice is the old use it or lose it maxim. So, if you’re having sex regularly, the chance of vaginal dryness diminishes.
Choosing to be celibate for a time can give a person the space to rediscover themselves by reconnecting with their body and their boundaries. Granted, this might not mean pure celibacy because it could include solo exploration. However, even without masturbation, it might allow a person to explore emotional connections instead of physical ones, which can be just as important to intimacy.
Celibacy can cause a change to your sex drive, in the same way that some experience wanting more sex the more they have it; the same is true for those no longer having sex: your desire to have sex may diminish. However, a positive side effect of this is that once again it can bring greater awareness of what might trigger or suppress your desire. People have reported not having sex for years, and then have sudden urges. Taking note of those urges and when and why they occur may help if a person decides to end their celibacy.
The most surprising thing is the possible health benefit of celibacy because not having sex can lead to an improved immune system as a result of not sharing fluids. The article noted other health benefits that I questioned, so I did further research, and the opposite was true. Regular sex can lower stress, improve blood pressure, and increase cardiovascular fitness (it is a form of exercise). To me, this just reinforces my opinion that solo exploration is good, so if you define celibacy to include the exclusion of masturbation, you get all the health benefits.

Of course, as a sapphic writer who writes books that always have some element of romance, I’m not likely to write much about celibacy, unless it’s to create the tension needed to build the romance between one or both characters. This could be in the form of a person who’s never had sex with a woman or anyone before, the death of a loved one, or a character who has sworn off relationships because of a past hurt. Then, there are the characters with physical or other disabilities that make physical intimacy with another difficult or not possible for a time. A few of my books that feature these types of characters include: A Moment in Time, Locked Inside, Sculpting Her Heart, Unconventional Lovers, The Book Addict, Out of This World, The Review, The Termination, and my short story The Forty-Year Old Virgin, all have characters who are celibate for at least a portion of the story. It’s more common than one thinks in sapphic books, because we all love to get our characters back on the love train, including having amazing sex. I’m currently finishing off a manuscript titled Cassandara’s Promise, and in this book, the main character has been celibate for 500 years! That’s a long damn time not to have sex! Anyhoo…feel free to check out any of my books by clicking the links below.