I was going to talk about this topic last week, but then my subjects got into a “Queen of the Hill” battle and Stereotyping pushed Clits off the hill. One of my earlier blogs was devoted to lesbian sex, so I’ve titled this, Let’s Table About Sex Baby…Part 2. When returning to this subject, my thinking on it evolved or devolved. I’ll let you be the judge. The cute video below is a must see…you’re welcome!
As most everyone who reads my blogs already knows, I love to do research on my various topics. I had already started researching whether the size of a clitoris made a difference to a person’s sexual experience. No big surprise there is a lot more research on penis size. Just like there is a lot more information given to boys about sex than girls. At least that was the case when I was growing up in the dark ages. And, of course, there was nothing about lesbian sex.
The poll I posted on Facebook indicated that most people did not have a “bloody clue” (thanks May Dawney for adding that; it was a brilliant choice) about whether size matters. That choice got 70 votes, the next option about technique being more important got 25 votes, followed closely by “No, not at all”.
For those of you waiting for the actual scientific research on this topic, I am happy to oblige. Susan Oakley, MD, conducted research on this very topic and published her findings in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014. Here are her findings:
- An estimated 18-34 percent of women have difficulty reaching orgasm.
- When compared to women who achieved orgasm more easily, the “anorgasmic” women had smaller clitoral glands and the distance between their clitoris and vagina was larger than the “orgasmic” group.
- Anaorgasmic women tended to prefer vaginal penetration.
I guess from an entirely scientific perspective, size does matter. But, and this is a big but, I believe it might only matter related to what each person tends to enjoy more (clitoral versus vaginal stimulation). Here’s what I believe…women are complicated-maybe more complicated than men. One size definitely does not fit all. Sure, like women, I think there is an emotional or in your head component. The visual, auditory and olfactory cues matter to both sexes in getting us all worked up, not just how a person is touched.
There are also studies on how lesbian sex is better…uh duh…because the common theory is how better to understand your partner than if you are the same sex. I mean, come on, I’m a woman, so I know a woman’s body. Wrong! What, wait…yup…that’s right. I am blowing that whole notion to pieces. What I might enjoy could be totally different from my partner. Can every person say that every single female on female sexual experience was as mind-blowing as all those romance books suggest? It was so refreshing when I read one of Lynn Galli’s books, at least I think it was one of hers, and the first experience between the two main characters was awful. How did they overcome the disaster? Communication!
In my youth, I listened to a friend who said that if I shaved my unruly bush, the sex would be so much better. So I did. It wasn’t. And….I itched like crazy when the hair started to grow back. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t having shitty sex, I just wondered if it could be even better. I’m a perfectionist after all.
Recently, I watched an episode of the Degrassi reboot (don’t judge). There was an episode where one of the characters was experimenting with masturbation and wasn’t able to achieve the Big O. She thought there was something wrong with her. Thankfully the point was made that she was perfectly normal and everyone is different. The doctor stopped short of telling her to continue her exploration because surely she would find the magic formula, but it was implied. I loved that show!
I was one of the lucky ones. My first sexual experience with a woman was in fact mind-blowing. I was naïve and had never had anyone put their mouth on my clit before. She was very, very, good at following the cues and reading my response. I believe that if a person isn’t as good at noticing those cues, then they should bloody well ask. That’s how to make the sex great if it isn’t. Communication! Because every single one of us is different and while size may scientifically make a difference, communication is Queen.
Books have been my gateway drug into learning a lot more about what I might like and what I don’t like. I’ve learned so much. If only I had started reading them earlier. I’ve gone through phases of great sex and so so sex if I were honest. Learning more about my body is a truly good thing. So….here’s to books and learning. Every time I learn something new, I incorporate that into a new sex scene. It’s my attempt to keep things fresh. So…you know the deal by now. If you want to learn more about my sex scenes, click on one of the links below.
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Although I wanted to preface my comment with I know that this posting doesn’t really apply to me…the best way to learn about sex is to try it and have it. I’m not sure if this applies to other circumstances but it sure as heck has helped other people too!
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Practice does make perfect!
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