I’ve been joking lately about becoming a domestic goddess while I wait for my next job opportunity to appear, so I thought I’d write about that today. Since I love google research, yup, guess what I did. I googled it. You know what? There is an actual definition. From the urban dictionary, a domestic goddess is: “A female who excels at baking, cooking, cleaning-housework of all sorts. She loves to please and enjoys hearing compliments about her awesomeness around the house/kitchen. She may sew, knit, have domestic hobbies that come out well. She doesn’t have to have children to be considered a domestic goddess.”

I was disappointed that nothing, not one darn thing, was said about greeting your spouse at the door in saran wrap. So…I added to my search, lesbian. I wanted to see if there was a specific definition for a lesbian domestic goddess versus a heterosexual domestic goddess. I did not find a definition specifically of a lesbian domestic goddess, but I did find the anti-definition.

You all are probably asking yourselves right now what is the anti-definition?  Well, here it is: “Pan scratching lesbian – she burns everything she cooks.” I thought that was flipping hilarious.

The other thing I found on my search was an actual video of a day in the life of a lesbian domestic goddess. Unfortunately, it did not seem to fit my idea of what my day looks like, so I’ve decided to write my own definition.

Here’s what I came up with: A woman who loves other women and excels at taking care of the house and her woman. The manner in which she takes care of her woman can come in many ways, here are some of them: keeps the house clean, greets her at the door with a kiss and an apron (only an apron), runs all the errands, empties the old herb planters (added this because I just did that this week), and finally, writes her little hiney (this is how it is spelled in the urban dictionary) off so that she doesn’t have to stay in the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. forever.

Okay, I admit it, I haven’t quite taken to the domestic goddess role like a duck to water. The other day I had one simple task to complete (empty the herb planters). The problem was that I wasn’t exactly listening too carefully and I thought my wife wanted me to empty the recycling. So…I dutifully went to the recycling center, emptied all the containers, and when my wife came home I proudly announced: “I completed my chore today. The recycling bins are empty.”

My wife frowned and said, “That’s great honey, but I wanted you to empty the planters. You weren’t listening again, were you. I guess I need to make sure I see the whites of your eyes next time.”

I hung my head and mumbled, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” I did and when she came home, I was wagging my tail like a puppy dog waiting for her to notice. She didn’t fast enough, so I pointed it out to her. (My wife reads this blog and sometimes comments on how much I embellish – but I swear this part is true).

I haven’t tried meeting my wife at the door with only an apron. I have to buy the apron because I don’t have one, but one of these days, I’m going to do just that. I have to find creative ways to entertain myself and I think that would be oh so much fun.  Honey…beware of the next time you open the door!

If you want to be entertained by reading any of my books, I hear a few of them are funny, you know the drill, click the links below…happy reading!

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