Bodily Functions

Beware! Today I’m going to talk about something rarely discussed in either polite society or included in WLW novels…bodily functions. Rarely do our authors ever discuss taking a piss or god forbid having a bowel movement. Now, I know, I get it, that’s just gross and unnecessary. It rarely moves the story along or is any way pertinent to the plot. And yet, it is as necessary as food to our survival. So why am I talking about this today? Because as one gets older, the topic becomes less taboo. Older women talk about having a good bowel movement. My grandmother did. As I ponder writing a story about a retired couple who buys a ghost town and sets up a retirement community for aging lesbians, I think I might have to write a scene featuring bowel movements. Yup! I would sooooo go there.

The other reason I thought of this and surely this will change your opinion of me…is that several nights ago, I had a dream about having a satisfying bowel movement. Now here’s where TMDI (too much damn information) comes into play. Lately, I’ve been having a bit of trouble in that area. It reminds me of my grandmother. True story coming…My grandmother used to eat prunes every day. She was a prune pusher way back when I did not have an issue. Turns out there was a reason for that. She tended to get clogged up and it got so bad my mother learned that she was digging her stool out with a spoon and her constipation ended up landing her in the hospital. Now, I know this sounds desperate and gross, but the other day…I won’t even finish that thought. But, here’s the thing, our embarrassment over talking about poop could actually be dangerous.

According to a study released in The American Journal of Gastroenterology, constipation is on the rise, causing more frequent visits to the ED. Yup, I am not kidding, people go to the emergency department because it can result in that much pain.. As much as 12-19 percent of the US population suffers from constipation. In that group, infants and the elderly were most likely to be seen in the emergency room. I’m not afraid to admit that a good poop can almost be as satisfying as good sex, especially if you haven’t gone in days. A lot like sex. If you haven’t had any in days, weeks or months, the return can be quite satisfying! My favorite childhood book to give to my nephews was Everyone Poops. If you’ve never heard of it, definitely check it out! So, authors, readers, throw away your hang-ups and join the senior population who is now old enough not to give a shit (pun absolutely intended) about polite society and will readily talk about bodily functions!

As far as books go, I do incorporate this on occasion into my books. Not the actual description, but I often weave it into joking between characters. So, if you want to read how I’ve done that without grossing people out…you know the drill, click on the links below.

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4 thoughts on “Bodily Functions

  1. Oh, can I relate. Once again my doctor’s insistence on withholding my Synthroid refills until I give a blood sample has lead to yet another destabilization of Hashimoto’s and with it CONSTIPATION for the first time in my life. This has sent my backside into a very uncomfortable place. I fear an intimate encounter with a proctologist is in my future. Which conjures up memories of the “AssMan” episode of Seinfeld.


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