Every eight weeks, my wife and I travel to Seattle so I can get my hair cut and while we are there, we treat ourselves to a wonderful lunch with our friend at Duke’s Seafood and Chowder House. We’ve been meeting our friend for lunch for almost a year. Like clockwork. We always have wonderful conversations and she updates us on her love life and the latest person or persons she is seeing. We got to talking about things at lunch and she told us about this book called, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Normally, I am not interested in new age/self help books that I perceive to be no better than those ridiculous surveys in popular women’s magazines that normally focus on how to “please your man”. Duh, for obvious reasons, I’m a lesbian. But as she began to describe this book and the test that a person can take to determine which love language(s) resonate the most with you, I could honestly see how this might be universal to all relationships.
To summarize the 5 different love languages, they are as follows:
- Word of Affirmation – Compliments and assurances of love, which could be as simple as telling your partner you love them…daily if that’s what floats their boat, or perhaps how beautiful they are, etc.
- Quality Time – Having joint interests and spending time with your partner doing things you both enjoy. We both realized how important this one was when we lived apart for many years.
- Receiving Gifts – New iPhone/iPad, high tech stereo system that costs as much as a car, whatever item most coveted by your partner, etc..
- Acts of Service – Taking care of that pesky oil change, coffee in bed, a meal prepared with love, etc.
- Physical Touch – Not just sexual intimacy, but cuddling, massages, hand-holding or my personal favorite…head rubs at night while I place my head in my wife’s lap.
As I listened to my friend talk, I could easily see how if you and your partner are not in sync with what each of your wants or needs, it could lead to disaster. My wife often shows me her love with her special drink concoctions, head rubs at night, baked goods, etc. This truly works for me. It’s not that I don’t appreciate when she tells me she loves me, or buys me a gift (rare these days because we’re at the point in our lives where if we want something, we buy it), but I have a sneaking suspicion that my preferred languages of love are #2, #4 and #5. I want my wife to take the test to see if our preferences align. This will undoubtedly be a wonderful conversation to have, and I can truly see the benefits of being in sync with your partner.
As I thought about this book, I had to smile at how Zari in Sculpting Her Heart, my latest novel, did a wonderful job of showing her love through Acts of Service, and fortunately for her, Frankie responded well to her go-to language of love. In books we often read about how the main characters show their love through Words of Affirmation, but I’d be willing to bet my house that particular language is not universal, and maybe it is time we wrote about all five! Want to discover how I’ve incorporated the five different languages of love in my various novels, you know the drill, click the links below. Locked Inside, which is now out in Audible definitely demonstrates the various languages of love between Carly and Belinda. And…don’t forget about this week’s sales in My Lesfic – One of my personal favorite series is featured by Renee MacKenzie, the Karst Heart Series. This series was overlooked by far too many and one of those diamonds that need to be discovered by WLW readers.
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