Before I get into my quirky topic for the week, I wanted to remind everyone about Jae’s Sapphic Speculative Event that started today. With 75 Speculative Fiction books available for giveaway, this is a massive event you shouldn’t miss. Of course, one of my books will be available on one of the days. Day 1: Paranormal romance, monster romance & paranormal fiction. Day 2: Fantasy (including urban fantasy, fantasy romance, and romantasy). Day 3: All other subgenres, including science fiction, sci-fi romance, and dystopian. Because I’m old, I can’t remember which book I submitted, so you’ll have to check out all three days! Here’s the link for more details: https://jae-fiction.com/sapphic-speculative-fiction-event/

Are you really surprised I would go there? Of course I would, especially after what happened to me last weekend. So…here’s the very personal, embarassing story about sleep farts. Anyone who knows anything about me realizes I have no problem making fun of myself. Here’s what happened. In the middle of the night, I woke to the most noxious odor. Now, I was very grumpy about waking up, not necessarily due to the odor, but the fact that I have terrible insomnia and wake often as a result of an overactive bladder, cats crawling on my head, and night sweats. And when I wake up, it takes me a long time to get back to sleep. Add a noxious odor I believed I needed to do something about, and yeah, I was grumpy. I also erroneously blamed my cats. Crawling from the bed, I was convinced I needed to clean out the box. But I was wrong. Nothing in the box remotely resembled that horrible odor. I know you think that I’m the kind of person to blame my wife, but honestly, I didn’t. I was aghast to realize it was me. I was the culprit after eating far too many chocolate-covered dried cherries. Apparently, they cause terrible gas of the very stinky kind. So, of course, I had to do a bit of research on this. Because that’s what I do…research the most unusual topics. Side note: My mother not only hated the word fart but thought it was equivalent to the worst swear word, and my father loved it. He even had a plaque made that said, “The family that farts together, stays together.” So Dad and Mom, I hope that wherever you are, you’re reading this and getting a kick out of it! Back to the topic…Here’s what I learned.

Passing gas is actually quite common, and most people do this between 13 and 21 times per day!
Since the anal sphincter muscle is more relaxed during sleep, gas tends to occur more during the night or in the morning after a night of sleep. So that’s why I often pass gas in the middle of the night when I get up to pee or in the morning! Mystery solved.
Most people don’t even realize they are passing gas in the middle of the night. Unless you’re me and it’s so stinky it wakes you the hell up!
The origin of gas is from these sources: air being swallowed, stomach acid becoming neutralized, and bacteria in the intestines creating hydrogen and methane. The last one obviously is the one that causes stinky farts.
The amount of gas one passes is mainly attributed to diet. Here is a list of foods associated with more gas: artificial sweeteners; carbonated drinks (yup that includes beer); beans, soy beans, corn, and peas; breads, cereals, and pastries; cabbage, broccoli, brussels sprouts, and cauliflower; onions, leeks, and garlic; and prunes and figs (I’m thinking those chocolate covered dried cherries fell into this last category). However, this is not a universal list, and other things, like dairy, affect those who are lactose intolerant. Also, foods with high fiber like fruits and vegetables, especially if your body is not used to eating more of these healthy foods, can cause more gas, particularly as your body adjusts to a diet that is higher in fruits and vegetables.
In addition to diet, there are a few lifestyle factors that might add to higher instances of gas such as, taking antibiotics; chewing gum, especially with artificial sweeteners (per previous confessions, I often chew Trident at night-who knew this would increase my nightly farts); eating quickly; smoking cigarettes; and wearing loose dentures.
There are also numerous medical conditions that can factor into excessive gas. These include: irritable bowel syndrome (IBS); small intestinal bacterial overgrowth (SIBO); Crohns Disease, Ulcerative Colitis; Celiac Disease; and the really scary shit like Stomach or Colectoral Cancer.
If you want to reduce your farts, try these things: avoid talking while eating and drinking as it can prompt you to swallow air; stop chewing gum and eating hard candy (nope not going to do because I like a better smelling breath); avoid drinking carbonated drinks (not going to do this either because I really like my Mike’s Hard Lemonade and Mojitos); don’t drink beverages through a straw; sit down to eat and chew slowly; quit smoking; eat small, frequent meals; and consider a side sleeping position.

So, there you have it…everything you probably never needed to know about farts and farting in your sleep. I am quite sure I’ve never written anything about farts in my books, because normal bathroom behavior is decidely very unsexy. However, I’ll bet a talented author could include some very funny scenes in a rom-com that might work. I do remember writing a funny scene in Out of This World where Mabel is camping and literally gets caught with her pants down after getting spooky while doing her business in a bush. I think I could probably get away with writing a funny scene based on that embarrassing personal experience I shared with y’all. Maybe I will write one if I write another book! In the meantime, I have a new book on pre-order with adorable kittens at the center, called The Kitten Trap. And don’t forget about The Love Demand. Both are contemporary romances that I think you’d enjoy reading.