I’m taking a break from the more serious political blogs, even though I could certainly address my horror at the suggestion that the US be the first country to ever live-stream an execution. Instead, I’m back to romance and sex! I came across this article that listed fifteen things that turn people on, and joy of all joys, it’s not all about looks or bedroom behavior. I love that for all of us who are just your average Josephine and not some supermodel with outrageous skills at getting their one-night stands to orgasm like they’ve never orgasmed before, as all the romance novels seem to suggest. So here they all are:

Confidence, but not arrogance. Yeah, I know, this is a very fine line. But those with quiet confidence, not the loud, brash, bragging kind, are incredibly sexy. A person does not have to be the life of the party…so confident introverts can be incredibly sexy. Those who have nothing to prove to others, but carry themselves with grace and confidence.
Matched humor. Humor isn’t universal. What I find funny, others may not, so it’s only a turn-on if the humor is similar to mine. There are all kinds of humor. The key is to find those individuals who appreciate the kind of humor that you do, whether it’s dry humor, dark humor, bathroom humor, witty banter, etc. Just make them match.
Familiar scents. No, I’m not talking about pheromones. I’m talking about something that is uniquely comforting and familiar to you. For me, that’s vanilla, cinnamon, citrus, and lavender. Those are the soaps I’m attracted to, so if someone uses shampoos or soaps with those scents, it’s a turn-on. Some people choose perfumes that are overpowering, and that is not a turn-on at all, regardless of how much it might cost.
Playful competitiveness. I am not talking about someone who is obnoxiously competitive and gets aggressive while playing a game or is a sore loser. Instead, that teasing kind of competitiveness, making the game or sport fun.
Well-timed subtle touch. I think that’s why a gentle touch to the shoulder, taking someone’s hand, the subtle touch to the small of her back, a playful nudge…those are all turn-ons, not necessarily anything sexual.
Showing vulnerability in a kind of confident way. This could be admitting awkwardness or nervousness on a first date, or not having any issues with sharing embarrassing stories about yourself.
Eye contact, including a slow blink (it works with cats, why not people), a warm gaze, even a cheeky gaze, can be a huge turn-on.
Display of skill in your own space. This could be organizing your cooking space or managing a social situation.
Playful teasing as opposed to mean teasing. There is a big difference. If your teasing is a put-down, disguised as a joke, that is not a turn-on. Inside jokes work, and even banter that has a hint of naughtiness can definitely be a turn-on.
Tone of voice and pacing. Apparently, a slightly lower tone and controlled pacing are signs of confidence, maturity, and subtle seduction.
Subtle displays of passion. Showing you care about something passionately, whether it’s books, art, baking, a hobby, your cats, etc., especially when those passions match, can be a big turn-on.
Laughing at someone’s jokes, but beware. You have to genuinely find them funny; otherwise you’re encouraging them to continue to tell jokes you might not appreciate. And…nervous laughter for an inappropriate joke is a big no-no, as I already explained in last week’s blog.
Small thoughtful gestures like remembering how I like my coffee, noticing a small detail (new hairstyle), leaving a little note where I can find it, etc.
Unpredictability. This keeps things fresh and keeps the relationship interesting. If the person suddenly shows up at your work with lunch or suggests doing something new and unique one day, this can keep a person interested.
Genuine interest and curiosity. This means asking questions about the person because you genuinely are interested in learning more about them, versus simply doing it to keep the conversation going or because you’re supposed to.

So, there you have it. It’s interesting that many of these things actually do appear in romance novels, besides the good looks and sexual prowess that are generally included. So, on an unconscious level, we inherently know that good looks and sexual prowess won’t help to create an enduring connection. As I think back to my books, most, if not all of these things are present, because that really helps to paint the picture of true connection. Feel free to click the links below to check out my books. Remember, only two more weeks to get The Kitten Trap at a discounted price.