Double Standard

It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable admitting to several things. I don’t believe for one second that the sexual revolution really took hold in the sixties and continued on. It didn’t. Not really. Let me share what I’ve discovered.

grapefruit

One, I very much enjoy reading sex scenes in the lesbian books I almost exclusively read now. Before I discovered lesbian romance, I read straight romance and still enjoyed reading the sex scenes. I didn’t know I had another choice. Don’t get me wrong, sex scenes are not a must-have. I do read fade to black and enjoy those books as well.

sexual double standard

Two, there is nothing wrong with masturbation. Not one thing. Frankly, I am appalled that I ever bought into the double standard that masturbation is perfectly normal for boys and men but not for girls and women.

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Three, even in 2019, there are so many examples of the double standard with women’s sexual health. For those who have decided not to permit this double standard from continuing to hold women back, I applaud you. Please remember what I always say about permission. What we permit, we promote.

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I’d like to share some interesting facts I learned in my research for today’s blog and to put a spotlight on those fighting this double standard.

double standard

I read an article about sexual dysfunction that was fascinating to me. The article talked about Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) or low sexual desire which is the most common sexual dysfunction for women. I want to highlight some of the most interesting statements made:

43% of women versus 31% of men experience sexual dysfunction.
The FDA has approved 24 treatments for sexual dysfunction in men and 0 for women.
HSDD causes marked distress for women.
Society values an erection in men over desire in women.
The most insidious part of why society values erections over desire is the fact desire in women is not necessary for sex to occur (I know that is a repulsive notion).

libido

I don’t know if the article took into account the unique health issues that face women in menopause-related to sexual health or if this is a completely different issue. I suspect it is a different issue because there are drugs for menopause that have an impact on lubrication and libido. Fortunately, for some women, menopause does not affect their libido and that is the only reason I have refused to take hormone replacements. Nearly 15 years of hot flashes is a real pain in the ass, but no sex drive is a non-starter for me!

hormones

This blog all started with the article I posted on my Facebook page regarding the startup company who makes sex toys for women and their lawsuit against the New York transit system for their unequal treatment in the ads MTA allows. For me, the issue is even broader. There is so much media that shows violence and aggression…even going so far to glorify violence. And yet, we haven’t managed to remove that Victorian stick still firmly planted in our butts. When we, as a society, censor ads around sexual health, the message is clear. Sex is something to hide. Hard no for me.

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Thanks to Ellen El who provided the links to the article about the other pioneer who fought the double standard and won. Lora DiCarlo was initially given an innovation award for her Ose’ Robotic Massager. Yup, I am definitely going to check that little device out. Then they took the award away. Big fuss…and guess what? They gave the award back. Isn’t it purrty?

winning vibrator

We do not have to stand idly by and watch as efforts to send us back fifty years continue. What we permit, we promote. I know that writing blogs, books with social meanings, and posting on Facebook is not the be all end all. But, it is something. Yeah, I sneak in social messages in my books that I hope people read. Want to see what I am most passionate about, give a few of my books a try! Links are below.