Two Left Feet


I have two left feet. Not because I can’t dance, although I don’t have much dancing prowess – that is true, but because of today’s hilarious event…

So here’s what happened to me today. My wife insisted I get a new pair of black shoes because honestly I don’t care what shape my shoes are in and I will wear them until they literally fall apart. I think the only shoes a person needs are a black pair and a brown pair for work. I do have a pair of gym shoes, Tevas and hiking boots, to supplement my two pair of work shoes, but I am not a shoe ho.

She shows me my shoes and I admit, it’s time. While she’s out shopping for groceries she buys me a pair of black work shoes and has me try them on before tossing the old ones. I’m proud of myself this morning as I don my new shoes. I’m infamous for wearing two different colors and placing them on my feet while I’m half awake. This morning something doesn’t feel right so I switch feet and off I go to work.

I’m proudly displaying my new shoes when one of my staff members points out that I have two left feet.

I’m not a novice to a shoe malfunction. See picture above when I went to a conference and not only put on two different colors, but the shoes weren’t even the same style. I had to take a picture to remind myself what a dork I am.

I shrug at my staff member’s observation, pull off the shoes and sure enough, my wife bought me two lefties. My staff is rolling over in their chairs laughing so hard because they know the infamous conference story.

As the day wears on I remark that before I knew I had two left shoes I was blissfully unaware, but now that they’ve brought the embarrassment to my attention, my foot hurts.

After work and a few extra blisters, I return one of the left shoes to replace it with a right shoe and find out that not only was it the wrong foot, it was the wrong size. No wonder it sort of worked for me!

Maybe I should go back to drinking coffee before I get dressed in the morning.

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