That Elusive Sex Scene

I haven’t made any secret this past week regarding my complete avoidance of writing the sex scene…which I was going to write on Monday. Instead, I wrote several teaser scenes because, yes, I’m procrastinating.

oral sex

I’ve heard from other writers who have a hard time writing explicit sex scenes and that made me feel only slightly better.  I also received some advice to write fade to black, but I know that would disappoint some people. Besides, I figure since I like to read more explicit scenes, I better pull up my big girl panties and just get er done.


Here’s what I struggle with most…how to write a new scene after 10 books where you’ve already described the intimacy as differently as possible in each one.  I’ve read posts before where readers hate the word pussy or on the other end of the continuum the more clinical terms like vagina. Then Beth Burnett kindly reminded us that sometimes vagina is used incorrectly. That got me to thinking. A woman can definitely suck pussy lips. But unless your tongue is all up in there and you curl it at the same time you’re sucking, that might not easily apply to the vagina. Side note: I do realize not everyone can roll their tongue…it’s actually not hereditary in case you didn’t know that. I happen to be one of the fortunate ones who can roll their tongue, maybe because I knew I would need that skill someday! Perhaps I should write that new technique into my scene and see how it works!


K’Anne Meinel has kindly provided us writers with a long list of words for our intimate parts and honestly, there are a few I simply cannot write without giggling and admitting, “that just won’t do”.  I was surprised to learn a few readers like the c-word (and I’m not talking about clit). I can’t even imagine writing that one into my sex scene. “Oh yes, suck/lick/kiss etc my c-word harder….” I’m shuddering right now! Ew just ew….


I do know that what I respond to in the more detailed scenes is the emotion and beauty of the intimacy. I keep messing with my craft in an attempt to achieve that.  Other writers like Ali Spooner and TJ Vertigo (my Affinity sisters) seem to write those scenes with ease.  I keep trying to get Ali to ghostwrite them for me! Of course, there are also the other master sex scene writers like MJ Williamz, Kris Bryant, Harper Bliss, Paris Rivera and Megan O’Brien and I wonder how they do it (definitely not an exhaustive list)?  MJ replied with a kind post saying it wasn’t easy for her either (which was a huge surprise since I think she is kinda known for her hot sex scenes)!


So…any of you have new ways of “doing it”  (probably should not use that phrase) that you can toss my way?  If you’d like to read about my attempts to write those scenes just a tiny bit differently in each book, feel free to check out my books by clicking one of the links below. Oh, and a quick reminder about Unconventional Lovers coming out later this month….don’t forget (that has both sweet and spicy sex scenes in it)!

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