This past week I had an epiphany…I am one of those. Despite my protestations that I would never remain in an unhealthy, abusive, co-dependent, relationship, I find myself willingly forgiving my demon spawn, Nico. Sure, he isn’t a partner or spouse…remember I’m a lesbian. Nico is my beloved black cat.
Many of you may already know that he attacked me on Saturday and got me good. I am still feeling the consequences of his attack. Although my wrist is much better after six days of antibiotics, it is still sore. Like an abusive relationship, Nico operates in cycles. Most of the time, he is a loving companion. But for whatever reason, he’ll start purring and licking my face, give me that loving look, and then bam, he begins to bite and scratch. In the past, I’ve simply pushed him off the couch or bed and then he comes crawling back an hour or two later doing his best to make it up to me because he knows I’m mad at him.
Sound familiar? I was aghast to realize this is the cycle of violence and I am a willing participant. On this occasion, his first five efforts to make it up to me were brushed aside. Mostly because I was still in so much pain. He kept trying. He knew he’d crossed the line. His version of flowers and an apology was licks to the face, purring, and an extended paw. Finally, I relented.
Of course my relationship with my cat is different than with a partner or spouse because he is dependent on me. Having lived his whole life mostly as an indoor cat, he can’t hunt for his own food. He would never survive out there. Thus, I’ll need to find a way to get him to change his bad behavior because the alternative is a no go with me.
All joking aside, domestic violence is a serious problem in our society and I implore anyone in this situation to seek help. Domestic violence shelters are often on the top of the list of charities I support. And, don’t be so sure it doesn’t happen in the LGBTQ+ community, because it does. Here is an astounding fact: persons in the LBGTQ+ community fall victim to domestic violence at an equal or even greater rate compared to their heterosexual counterparts.
Bringing this topic back to writing, I’ve also realized that I have an unhealthy relationship to all my manuscripts. During editing, I begin hating them, then I capitulate and allow them a bit of grace. By the final review, when I am ready to send to betas, I hate them again. Before publishing, I get to the point where I say, maybe this one isn’t so bad after all. So, if you want to see what you’re missing….check out the links below!