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As usual, I troll social media because sometimes there are extremely funny posts. One of those asked why a certain business wasn’t considered essential. I had to agree with that popular author’s perspective and decided to weigh in with my list of essential and non-essential businesses. Note: There may be some tongue in cheek humor…

back to work

I don’t want to insult anyone, so I’m only including the essential businesses that don’t meet the criteria of, “well yeah, duh” we have to have that business open (ie hospitals, pharmacies, grocery stores, etc). The following lists are in no particular order!

non essential

Essential

Bakeries with cinnamon buns – Definitely part of the 5 essential food groups for me. Comfort food all the way!
Big Box Liquor Stores – They are so much cheaper than alcohol sold in grocery stores and let’s face it, the economy is tanking so we have to save every penny we can for the essential items.
Sex Shops – Yup, I agree with the popular author. I need to touch and feel the sex toys to make sure they are exactly as shown on TV. No, I don’t actually try them out in the store…come on people…stay with me.
Post Office – Duh, for all the purchases I am making. Because what else do I have to do but OCD on the shopping network. Those Ginsu Knives never looked so appealing.
U-pick Em Markets – I am actually serious about this one. Farmers don’t have the staff to harvest, so two birds with one stone…pick your own food instead of going to a grocery store and save the wasted food! Not that I am advocating for any dicknob leader to be more stringent with immigration. I think everyone knows my stance on that by now.
Farmer’s markets – I actually like the idea of getting my food fresh from the farm. We all gotta eat so we might as well eat fresh.

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Non-Essential

Nail salons – Haven’t all of us already bit our nails to the point of no return? What the hell would they attach the fake nails to?
Massage Parlors – Do you really want a masked individual putting their hands all over your body? Oh, wait…maybe I should rethink this one…lovers of BDSM, just ignore this one.
Gun Stores – Sarcasm coming…Sure, I want individuals who have been locked up inside their homes with irritating family members and their rage increasing by the day, to have as many guns as they can get their hands on. Oh, and all the better to bring those guns to their protests because that certainly helps them make their point. Really? Side note: Did you see the news about the nurses standing in silent protest next to the protestors? Those are the true heroes and heroines and the perfect way to protest!
Bookstores – Now don’t throw rotten eggs at me…these went by the wayside the minute Amazon e-books hit the market. As much as I would like them to have a comeback, like vinyl, it ain’t happening in my lifetime.
Bowling Alleys – Let me just say that I don’t even know what to say about bowling alleys opening in Georgia. Really? Those rental shoes are like mansions for the virus. There are probably three generations living in one shoe. What sane person would voluntarily stick their feet in one of those nasty shoes.

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I’m sure if I thought long and hard I could come up with 5 more in each category, but it is nail-biting time. I’m worried one of those protestors will come to my door and I’ll not be able to resist my murderous fantasies and then they’ll haul me off to jail which is quite the Petrie dish for Covid19.

essential

So with the bookstores closed, feel free to shop on-line with me and check out a few of my books! Keep staying at home and hoping this madness will somehow pass.