Exploding Eggs Standard

Last weekend I finally had the whole weekend to kick back and tuck into a good book (or rather four). I wasn’t writing anything because I am protesting NANO. Every November I push back against the pressure of having to write an entire book in a month. Sure, I’ve done that before, but I don’t do well with outside expectations or pressures. I am hard enough on myself without a well-known event to live up to. But, this blog is not about my infantile campaign against something that the writing community generally embraces.


Instead, I wanted to talk a little more about my new rating system for books. You see, my wife left a carton of eggs when she was up visiting the prior weekend and I decided I’d boil a few for deviled eggs. I was so engrossed in Carrie Carr’s re-release of Destiny’s Bridge (a re-read for me), that when the first loud pop occurred, I didn’t know what the hell was happening. At first, I thought somebody was outside doing God knows what and then I heard the next loud pop and the lightbulb went off. Oh shit, the boiled eggs.

burnt eggs

That got me to thinking. What if we discarded the whole star system and instead went to a new rating system for books. Perhaps it would go something like this:

  1. Phone rings, see it’s a telemarketer, eagerly takes the call.
  2. The wife asks a question and I actually lift my eyes from my book and answer. Continuing to have an in-depth conversation about planning our RV trip.
  3. The bar patrons start cheering as the Seahawks make a touchdown and I cheer with them before returning to my book.
  4. I grab my iPad and run to the bathroom barely making it to the toilet to pee as I continue to read my book.
  5. Let the water boil completely out of the pot, burn my eggs, ruin my pot and feel intense irritation that I have to deal with the mess. It does not stop me from reading while cleaning up the mess.


Now, of course, the above ratings are quite verbose, so let’s shorten them to:

  1. Telemarketer distraction
  2. Question from wife
  3. Football game
  4. Read and pee
  5. Burnt eggs


Personally, I think my rating system has more flair. Do you think Amazon would want to adopt this new rating system? How about Goodreads? What is your rating system?


I can only hope that people who read my books are burning their eggs or reading and peeing. That would certainly send my heart soaring. If you dare to risk setting your residence on fire, you know the drill, click on the links below to get a few of my books. I hear they can be page-turners!

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